Another One Bites the Dust
Ah, dating in 2020. The thrill, the excitement, and the constant let downs. The let downs seem to hit me a lot harder because, I’m a dating coach. I should have it all figured out right? Wrong. I can coach my clients not to settle, to be strong single, and to hold high standards, no matter what. I am a great cheerleader, but when it comes to myself, my inner dialogue can get pretty mean sometimes.
“Another situationship didn’t work out…whats wrong with you Laura?”
The answer is honestly nothing. The answer is, I probably knew on date 1 or 2 that this guy wasn’t for me. I heard my intuition loud and clear, yet I thought….why not? He seems sweet and seems to really like me, why not give it a shot. I am 33 after all, maybe I’m just too picky?
And trust me, I am picky. But being picky, and ignoring your intuition, are two totally different things. My intuition tells me right away, that my energy, values, and goals don’t align with the guy sitting in front of me. It doesn’t matter how good looking he is, or how nice he seems, I just know. The voice inside my head says,
“He’s cute…. but he’s not the one ;).” I hear her voice loud and clear in my head, as I hush her away, willing her to be wrong this time.
Some people don’t believe in “the one.” But I do. I believe I should know when the man I’ve met will be worth it to spend the rest of my life with, to raise a family with, and to love unconditionally. That’s the one to me. When you’re a woman in your 30’s you need to be so careful with your time. In my 20’s, I let lust and passion rule my love life. I let men choose me, instead of choosing or qualifying them. Many women go their entire lives operating this way. It takes a real shift to start qualifying men, instead of just letting them into your life blindly. My 20’s left me with many broken hearts, so when I turned 30, I promised myself it was time for a change.
Now I am careful. I know that if I “waste” my time with another wrong guy, I will be writing this again in my late 30’s…and really who has time for that?
But it’s still tough. It’s still hard to end things with someone even if it hasn’t been that long, because you know inside yourself that he isn’t the one. It feels so defeating. It would be so much easier to stay in so many ways. The last guy I dated checked most of the boxes off that I was looking for, so I decided to “give him a try.”
Fail. Major fail. When I ended things after just one month, it just left me feeling angry with myself for even going on a second date with him. The thing is, when that voice in your head, or intuition tells you it’s a no, it will get louder as you ignore it and push it down. My intuition got real loud with this guy. I got bored, I got tired, I became exasperated trying to make it work, and it was only a month of my time!
“Another one bites the dust.” I thought to myself. I felt like a failure. I felt stupid. And I promised to trust myself more and wait for the one. I wonder if men feel this way. Probably not. This type of guilt and shame only comes from years of societal conditioning placed on women that continually tells us, we are not “enough” alone. Total bullshit by the way.
But no matter what, lessons like these continue to sting for me. I feel I should have “gotten it right” by now, or something like that. But the truth is, we can’t control when that right person walks into our life. All we can do, is keep the door open so that they can.
It’s better to be single and available, than to be taken by the wrong partner. So yes, another one bites the dust, but good riddance.